I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
