I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
