I think my fart just growled at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
