I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
