I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
