What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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