Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
