I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
zippers are such a cool invention
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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