There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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