just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
