Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
