there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
