For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
