Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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