JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
