Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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