some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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