Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
