I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
