I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
