The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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