my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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