Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
