Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
