ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
