I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
