so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
