My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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