maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
