When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
