You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
