i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
