ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
