I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
