Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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