i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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