You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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