Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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