I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
