Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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