If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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