So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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