Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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