so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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