who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
