I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
