So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
4 words: hood of his car
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
