Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
