I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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