it hurts more in the daytime
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
