I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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