so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
