If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
