I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
